There are things that just change when you make the final move from land based to water based. For me one of the most dramatic is my feeling about public bathrooms. I have to confess that the tide of opinion has rapidly and dramatically reversed it’s self for me when it comes to the role of the public bathroom.When we were a land based family I was a reasonable mother and like all other “good” mothers encouraged my children to “go to the bathroom before we left the house”, in some cases as you mothers out there might recognize even adding the words.. “I don’t care if you don’t think you have to, just try”. Public bathrooms were a thing to be avoided. If the need arose suddenly, while on a trip away from home, I would give my children that look and we would look with much prejudice for the least offensive public restroom available.

Criteria for a “good” public restroom include but are not limited to finding the proper type of establishment. Restaurants with low traffic or Boutiques that would allow for the unpredictable bladder of children in spite of signs that said “no public rest room” were the most desirable. Restrooms of gas stations and the mall.. no matter how seemingly sparkly they might appear were to be avoided at all cost.

Now, well now all of that has changed. In fact just recently at a port of call where we tied up to the dock of a local restaurant that was closed for the season I sent my children to scour the establishments parking lot and perimeter. “Looks like there might be a public park over there, see if there are any unlocked restrooms” I called to them as they scurried ashore.

So, what has caused this dramatic reversal in my personal hygiene standard? Well, when it comes right down to it public restroom vs. boat head it is a simple and single factor. All land-based toilets, no matter how low on the desirability scale have a single redeeming quality. Once used, you get to leave it, flush it and not think about it ever again.

No matter how sophisticated the boat head, whether it’s on the standard fishing boat or the nicest sailboat it demands thought and attention. Oh perhaps on some captained mega yacht where the owner is not the captain, cook or chief bottle washer this may not hold true, but all the other boat owners out there must agree with me. Once you go you have to know… that it has to be dealt with at some point. Flushing it overboard is not an option unless you are a fair bit off the coast and so comes the dilemma. If you have a holding tank, which most boats do there is the ever gnawing knowledge that you’ll need a pump out station at some point.

This may seem a simple proposition to a land based person. Flush the toilet, it goes to the holding tank, pump out the tank on the next trip to shore. Well that’s not exactly how it works in the real world of boating. The pump out in my home port (which will remain nameless at this moment) has been on the fritz since it was installed some three years ago. If you see a pump out icon in the cruising guide that only means that there a possibility of disposal of your, well, crap.

There may or may not be a charge, there most likely is, if it’s working. There may or may not be someone to collect that charge. Even on a good day in the middle of the week and when the harbor master or dock master should normally be there to collect their fee you may or may not be able to find them. Often, especially in November as it is now harbormasters and dock hands hours are dramatically reduced, either by their employers or by themselves and they are as hard to find as hens teeth.

Once located and paid for pump out stations are a mixed bag, does the dock support the size fitting your boat requires? Will the nozzle fit into your boat’s pump out fixture snuggly? All cruisers know that if it doesn’t there will be a mess of unsightly and smelly proportions. Even if all of the stars align and you are able to find a nice pump out with a locatable person to pay there are still more considerations, how deep is the water next to the dock? Can you get in at any tide or only when it’s high tide, you could be required to wait up to several hours to access the pump out depending on the draft of your boat. And friends, most “nice” pump out stations have see through nozzles so that you can monitor the progress on the pumping out. Can you say ewww?!

Perhaps you are wondering, isn’t there a better way? What about other types of boat heads? There are other types, composting, incinerators and such but the fact remains, if you put it in there at some point you will have to deal with taking it out again. And so, perhaps now you can understand how the sage advice from a cruising mom has changed 180 degrees from “Are you sure you don’t have to go before we leave home” to “Are you sure you don’t have to go before we get back on the boat.. there’s a perfectly good outhouse right here?”!